Isolated Feelings
by apocalypticSuccubus
Summary: America said something that finally put Russia on the edge...


**Pechka-Heart: YO LOVAS~! im back, with a story! this is based off of a song called Isolated feelings but Razakel (a horror-core rapper, just listen to this one; the others you might not like:P) and a drawing on my DA called "On the edge "it's another song fic yes. but anyway this is strictly Russia-centric. Read on my children~!**

**Russia: Pechka does not own... or in the words of America-san- THE BITCH DONT OWN ME OR HETALIA! da! **

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><p><em>"Isolated feelings, its like my heart is bleeding<em>_ I can't escape it, inside my head it keeps repeating. _

_Isolated feelings its like my heart is bleeding. I can't escape it, inside my head it keeps repeating. _

_Everytime I seem to close my eyes I feel so dead inside so I cry myself to sleep. _

_All I ever do is think of the pain, feels like I'm goin insane, so I cry myself to sleep..."_

Russia stared at the revovler on his table, tears rolling down his face and whimpers escaping his mouth. He wanted to look away, but couldn't as if entranced by it. he shuddered, put his vodka bottle to his lips, and chugged the half bottle remaning. how could it have ever come to this? He thought about what America had said to him that day. _"No one can ever love you! you're too fucking scary and shit. A lot of us actually think the would would be better without you."_ He was taken aback at first, then smiled and shrugged it off, hoping his eyes wouldn't betray what he was actually feeling. Hurt. Worthlessness. Hopelessness. all he was feeling was currently swirling in his heart, and he could feel what everyone else called Heart break. He tought America considered him a friend; he thought they _**ALL**_ did. But obviously not.

_'...And my friends? Yeah man I aint got much of that, j_

_ust people dyin to be in the presence of that bitch Raz._

_ And thats fine cause in reality I'm ugly inside...'_

He cried out, and threw the bottle across the room, letting smash against the wall, and broke into sobs. his removeable heart hurt so much from that comment. But he knoew, deep down he fucking_ knew _everyone hated him. He bet even his Obsessive little sister hated him! He called Ukraine about an hour ago, only getting the machine. **_' she was probably evading me _****_again.' _**he thought bitterly, but left a twenty minute message anyway. He simply needed someone to tell him everything was alright, and that america was wrong. but no one at the meeting did, and his sister didn't answer her phone when he needed her the most. this was like every other day; he would suppress ewverything he felt and put on a fake smile, and cry when he was alone in the safty of his home. he felt truely alone at this point.

_'...Everyday is just the same, is soemthing missing inside? _

_Certain scenes keep haunting me, and keep me cryin at night._

_ Why were others more important, why did I come last?_

_ I'm so tattered and torn its like a blast from the past. _

_I know I aint the one to judge but I can't help it sometimes. _

_When I step outside the box I notice force-fed __lies...'_

He looked at the revovler again, and without thinking grabed it and put it to his temple. **'I'm going to do it! I can't take it anymore!' **he thought and tightened his 'd be thinking about doing this for the past few hours so why not? But he knew he wouldn't be able to go through with it. He was trembleing so hard... it was impossible to keep it at his head. he lowered his hand and dropped the gun onto the floor,sinking to his knees and hugging himself, bawling uncontrolably. He wanted it all to end so badly, the pain, the hoplessness, the horrible feelings of depression that washed over him like tidal waves. Faking wasn't enough anymore; he needed to talk to someone, but had no one. And he didn't have the will to kill himself. so he sat there and cried. "Pozhaluĭsta, Bozhe , pomogi mne ..." he begged, hoping his prayers might be heard. Then his phone went off. he crawled over to the nightstand it was on and took it off the hook, not even bothering to get off the ground. "Pr- Privet?" he whimpered, his voice hoarse.

_'...So I cry myself to sleep, someone listen please._

_ I'm so bitter inside. Its almost hard to breathe._

_ like I'm asthmatic when I talk you hear static._

_ You can't grasp or understand it. _

_Once again I've given into madness...'_

"Russia? Russia what's wrong? O, Bozhe, what happened? I didn't answer earlier because my boss was here! laska , malenʹkyy brat , skazhy meni, v chomu sprava ?

!" he heard his elder sister on the other end, worried about his well being once again. he smiled a weak smile, and told her, nearly breaking down once again. "Akh , miy mylyy brat... it's okay. nevermind that arrogent fool. he's too stupid to see you're such a sweet person underneath that childishly cruel cover. someone loves you, I know who he is... but I told him I'd never tell!" she said asurringly and giggled with the last part. Russia smiled as tears wet his cheeks again. "Just know we love you, Vanya. never forget that." she said again, and he could almost feel the warmth of he words. " Okay. I'll talk to you lyublyu tebe , velyka sestra..." he said in Ukrainian, whiping the tears away from his eyes. He heard her Breath hitch on the other end, indicating she might start crying. "ya tebya lyublyu tozhe , bratets." she retuned in Russian, before hangin up. He smiled and hung up, not feeling in the clear, but farther away from the edge that he'd ever been. He felt no matter what his sister would be here for him, and he rose from the floor and stumbled to his bed. he giggled at who this mystery person was, before falling into his bed, _exhausted _by what just went down in the past hour. Maybe, just maybe he had something to live for...

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><p><strong>Pechka-heart: YAY! HAPPY ENDING FOR MANIC-DEPRESSIVE!RUSSIA! what~ you thought i was gunna kill him didnt you? FECK NO! he's to awesome to die by his own hand, if i was gonna kill him, i'd have prussia do it. (they're equally awesome~! ) Anyways you will review or i wont make a follow-up story!<strong>

** luvage~ Pehcka-Heart**

_**translations~ yay! **_

_**"Pozhaluĭsta, Bozhe , pomogi mne-(Russian( Please, God, Help me...**_

_**Privet- (Russian) Hello**_

_**O, Bozhe- (Ukrainian) Oh, God.**_

_**laska , malenʹkyy brat , skazhy meni, v chomu sprava ?- (Ukrainian) please, little brother, tell me, what's wrong?**_

_**Akh , miy mylyy brat..- (Ukrainian) oh, my dear little brother...**_

_**YA lyublyu tebe , velyka sestra- (Ukranian) I love you, big sis.**_

_**ya tebya lyublyu tozhe , bratets - I love you too, little brother.**_


End file.
